Chew Fast and Shut Your Mouth

8 Mar

Great advice.  For so many things, really.  But in this case, it pertained to me eating taffy.  Like a cow.  It’s sticky goodness providing so much satisfaction that the slapping and slurping noises coming from my mouth was, what seemed to me, a natural side effect.  Sound pleasant?  Keep reading.

I was away at yet another conference early last week, and this past weekend Rob and I had a fabulous time with one of my best friends.  Heather, a friend since high school, was up visiting from Irvine, and she is hands-down the most beautiful, glowing, happy, and darn cute pregnant woman I’ve ever seen!  The Oregon weather wasn’t exactly cooperative (until the last few hours of her stay), but the company was just simply wonderful.

After Heather left on Sunday morning, Rob and I took the rare sunny day to go to the beach and get our very needed intake of vitamin D.  We walked, we cuddled, we drove to a small port town – Port Orford – and ate the perfect combination of fresh fish and grease at the Crazy Norwegian.  Almost every town located on the Oregon Coast has large bags of salt water taffy, and while I knew it was good, I never truly indulged in it.  That is, until Heather got a bag and offered me a piece.  At that moment, I was hooked.  Have you ever had real salt water taffy?  It’s amazing!  Sweet, slightly salty, chewy, melty, and just down right fabulous!  So, I bought a bag at a local jam shop while Rob and I were out driving the coast.

Well, for better or for worse, Rob got a taste of my “for worse” while I devoured each piece of taffy.

“Are you kidding me?”  His face was incredulous as he watched, and listened, as I chewed away.

“What?  You want one?”  I mumbled through stuck gums.

“Let me show you how to do that,” Rob’s frustration audibly mounted as he reached into the bag.  “There.  See?  No noise.”  I watched as he chewed, swallowed, and reached for another.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?  Chew?”

“No, chew quietly, with taffy.”

“Just chew fast,” he paused – probably to predetermine my reaction to his next statement, “and… shut your mouth!”

I was already (obviously) open-mouthed, but now also wide-eyed, and when we both realized the full ridiculousness and hilarity of the conversation, the full-blown belly laughs ensued (by the way – really tricky to laugh with taffy stuck in your mouth, making the situation even more hilarious… vicious cycle).

We had a great day together, and I must thank Heather for the taffy inspiration.  We have been eating some yummy meals lately, but I’m completely in a blissful state from tonight’s dinner; in good Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras fashion, we toasted champagne to a pancake dinner (and maybe will top off the night with more taffy!).

Stay tuned for the details!

(Here’s a sneak preview)

One Response to “Chew Fast and Shut Your Mouth”

  1. Jess Johnson March 9, 2011 at 7:06 am #

    Ha ha ha ha. Your story just made my morning. I almost shot chocolate milk out my nose!

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